Frequently Asked Questions answered by Master Mantak Chia
1. I've had a vasectomy. Will that affect my ability to do the Big Draw?
Chia: The effects of vasectomy upon one's sexual life and general health warrant consideration. It is well-recognized that there prevails among vasectomized men a normal level of physical and mental health. Most individuals surveyed after vasectomy have considered their health good to excellent. Many wives thought their husbands' distinctly more virile.
Improved sexual performance may be readily accounted for: sperm is no longer discharged and its energies are no longer wasted. The body reabsorbs active principles of the sperm cells via the blood stream. However, those secretions not formed in the testes are ejaculated.
These benefits and far greater ones are enjoyed by Taoist lovers. They retain not only the sperm but the entire volume of seminal fluid, each part of which bursts with enzymes, vitamins, proteins, trace elements, and electrical energies. Yet this is not the most important advantage.
Secretion of the vasectomized male's testes lessens over a period of time. The volume of hormones available for reabsorption gradually declines. While the vasectomized man never more loses sperm, he ordinarily does not stimulate hormonal production.
The Big Draw Method increases hormonal secretion. First, one focuses energy on the genitals to directly stimulate them. Sec- ond, the transformation of sex energy to a higher level produces higher quality hormones.
Fortunately, a vasectomized man may use the Big Draw to "steam" the seminal energies up to the head and vital organs. Moreover, with this method every man, vasectomized or not, may exchange fortifying energies with his love partner.
2. I thought yin energy is supposed to be cool, and yang warm. Why does a woman feel so warm when you have sex with her
Chia: Relative to the male, however, the woman remains more yin in her basic polarity. Some men may have very yin, female-like qualities that they have cultivated and some women may be very aggressive and yang in their personality. Such a couple would exchange their excess energy to achieve balance. But this doesn't change the polarity at its most primordial, pure level.
In this practice you will eventually get to the point where you experience the woman's energy as cool. This happens normally in the resting stage, during the yin/yang exchange. You will feel a cool fluid running up the spine to the top of your head. It will move up the spine in stages, as if climbing a ladder. When you learn to surrender your fiery hot yang male energy you will feel this cool, soothing yin female within you. At the higher level of practice you can get this effect by simple meditating alone on the yin pole of your yang energy
3. How long do the Taoists take to make love? It sounds like a very long affair.
Chia: Intercourse lasts as long as both lovers desire and should depend on the quality of the energy being exchanged. Don't force extra orgasms, or if you haven't mastered the method, extra ejaculations. Once you begin feeling deep satisfaction, you won't feel the need to have sex as frequently so when you do have it don't rush. Sometimes perfect polarity can be achieved quickly, but usu- ally when you make love the Taoist way, it is no casual affair. From the beginning foreplay to the final quiet embrace may involve two hours or all day. The Taoist classics suggest one thousand loving strokes to satisfy a woman. You may rest several times and renew more active loving. Allow an appropriate length of time without distraction. Take the phone off the hook, and get rid of the kids!
4. I believe that if you ejaculate, the woman can gain a lot of yang energy directly from the sperm. What's the difference be- tween giving it to her this way versus giving her yang energy and yin/yang exchange?
Chia: So long as you keep the male fluid, you may give her energy and quickly recharge yourself. If you give her the fluid, you lose the means of re-charging for a long time. Give her much energy, but don't give away the whole battery. Unless she is an advanced yogini who has developed the meditative ability to really draw the full power of sperm into herself, she can't use it and you will lose the power to give more. Even an advanced yogini will be limited in the amount she can absorb from physical sperm. Ultimately, she is much better off if her yogi conserves and trans- mutes his seed. Give her baskets of peaches: don't uproot the tree and send her shaggy roots.
5. When I do the yin/yang exchange, I sometimes feel a mini-orgasm in my genitals. How do I know if I am losing fluid?
Chia: During exhalation and relaxation, the penis will often "jump" as though you were ejaculating. In fact, no seminal fluid pours from the body. The prostate gland and seminal vesicles can also "pop" periodically, yielding great pleasure. The Taoist Method provides this orgasmic pleasure yet keeps the fluid inside the body.
Make sure at first there is no loss of fluid in the popping. When you keep every drop, the method is properly performed. If there should occasionally be some loss, immediately use the Hard Contractions and the Three Finger External Locking together to prevent further waste of seed. You must also distinguish between losing "milk" and "water". Milk is thick and whitish sperm fluid and is the secret elixir Taoists seek to conserve. Water is clear and thin runny seminal fluid that the prostate produces to help deliver the sperm. It is possible to leak some water without ejaculating any milk. If you are at this level you shouldn't rely solely on the method as a means of birth-control, as it only takes one sperm cell in the watery semen fluid to impregnate a woman.
6. I'm just beginning to learn the Big Draw. Will it harm my effort if I fail and ejaculate?
Chia: Don't make it an issue of your failing or not. Nobody expects you to hit a home run the first time you swing a bat. You hit some singles, then a double, eventually you run to third base.
When you've got full control you can hit a home run almost at will. The main thing in learning something new is to keep a positive attitude.
When you begin to practice seminal conservation, try to ejaculate no more than once per week. As you improve keep the loss down to once or twice per month. Continuing to progress, you will lose less and less fluid. Don't worry about losing the seed, simply learn to harbor it for increasing periods of time. Taoists accept what is natural, they never force any sudden change on their body. If you lose your seed, enjoy it and send it lovingly to your partner who will absorb at least a part of its yang essence into her body. Likewise, never force yourself to ejaculate to please yourself or your lover. This is a gradual process: you will spend the rest of your life increasing in knowledge and perfecting the Tao of love.
7. What is the relationship between the strength of the buttock and pelvic muscles and sex? I thought having sex strengthened them, since you get a lot of exercise in your lower body.
Chia: A moderate amount of sex is healthy for your body in many ways; your glands are exercised, especially the prostate, and more chi runs through your meridians. But a lot of these benefits leak out the anus and buttocks because so many men with office
jobs develop a fat ass. You wouldn't believe how much chi just trickles out of the body through the buttocks. Ejaculation is opening the flood gates to energy loss, and it has an after effect on your buttocks.
Frequent sex with ejaculation disrupts your health by spasmodically coughing forth vitality. After a period of long abuse, it weakens the tissues so that they are unable to inhale life properly. Frequent ejaculation breaks down the tone of the lower body, inducing chronic flaccidity and steady trickling out of power. I teach pelvic strengthening exercises to improve lower body tone. By maintaining this tone, you constantly save energy that frequent ejaculators lose.
8. I feel less sexual desire after doing the Big Draw every day for several weeks. What's happening to my sexual energy?
Chia: For the first several weeks of Big Draw practice, you may experience slight lessening of sexual appetite. This is more likely to occur if you are in a weakened condition. This indicates that you are successfully transferring power upward from the genital area to the higher centers. Don't be alarmed! This is a sign that you are progressing well. You are conserving energy as never before and beginning to change it to a higher form.
After no more than several weeks the power will complete the microcosmic circuit and return much increased to the sexual centers. The power will recirculate to the genital region, which will then be permanently fortified. Once you have completed the circuit, the power will flow throughout your entire body every time you make love and revitalize you further. Then your appetite for sex may well increase. It's different for each man and his lover.
9. Aren't you being a bit fanatic in trying to save every drop of sperm? There's so much of it. I thought Taoism was a "middle" path that advocated no extremes.
Chia: Semen retention is simple and natural once you've unlearned your old habit. Taoists claim that it was once the middle way, a natural function that all humans could do naturally, and that our current sex habits are a product of degeneration. That's why we've got 4 billion people on earth and all the problems of over population and pollution of a once pure earth. If people felt more fulfillment within, they would create fewer demands without. Not to worry. Nature—the Tao—always finds the proper way to balance itself.
The conventional idea of male orgasm as a few instants of (literally) blinding pleasure is an extreme one. After ejaculation the man is finished unless he digs deep into himself for more energy only to rush forth again before falling off into a pleasant emptiness. To spend the vital seed wastefully is to excrete life. Frequent ejaculation is an infantile attempt to solve our lonely separation from bliss. It is a rejection of the inborn joy that we may all know.
Of course, people can and do love deeply without retaining their seed during sex. But these people are unconsciously trans- muting their seed power into love the rest of the time—this is where love obtains its power of spontaneity. But they may miss a deeper joy. Until you learn this deeper joy I must strongly recommend you not be fanatic about losing a few drops of sperm—nature is abundant and forgiving and its best to change gradually. Then the change will be more permanent.
But at the same time you won't be motivated to change your sex habits unless you remember that ejaculation isolates. It cuts you off and enslaves you in small steps to a lower state of energy. Ejaculation is one of many subtle forms of suicide, including drugs, over-eating, over-everything. Your real task is not to prevent ejaculation: it is to establish direct contact between your physical nervous system and the subtle sources of life. To do so you must conserve the vehicle through which your chi life energy flows.
10. Most modern sex manuals claim it's healthy to fantasize about your erotic desires. What do the Taoists say?
Chia: Many sexologists are not aware of the higher possibilities of their mind and don't understand the process of transforming energy into spirit, jing into shen. Above all, Taoists are training the mind. It is very important to keep the mind free of distracting images. Fantasizing about sex ultimately strangles the mind. It breaks the flow of life and provokes orgasm.
Open your mind to the power of life: this will dissolve fan- tasies. When you empty the mind of thoughts, cosmic energies stream into the void. This is the first principle of meditation. The act of love becomes a meditation on the great life force. Of course, it takes time to cultivate this level of crystal clarity in your mind, so don't worry about your habit of fantasizing. Simply begin by not encouraging it, by catching yourself when you drift off, and return to the present.
The presence of your lover should arouse you. If her company doesn't stimulate you, if you have to turn to erotic fantasizing, wait for another occasion or partner. Obsessive erotic thinking inevitably leads to loss of the life force. Fantasizing causes energy to seep out even where there is no ejaculation, as well as preventing life from flowing in spontaneously. The same is true of electric vibrators or other stimulators. They feel good, but they mechanize your sexual response. You can grow dependent on your machine. If you want to be more human and ultimately find deeper pleasure, follow your natural impulses only, not the ones contrived by your culturally conditioned mind.
11. Will this practice of holding my sperm inside eventually lead to my losing my appetite for the physical passion of sex?
Chia: As you advance in the practice you lessen your need for physical movement. Physical movement is but the shadow of movement of the energy body. Contact with your lover's subtle chi is incomparably more thrilling than the hooked-fish leaps that are often mistaken for the heights of love. Your definition of sex will be radically changed by mastery of these practices that will find you concerned with the quality of your subtle energy relationship with your lover.
12. What's the difference between the physical pleasure of sex and the pleasure of feeling love?
Chia: Your pleasure is limited only by your level of con- sciousness. The difference between whole body orgasm and ejaculatory orgasm is the difference between human and animal love. The animal frantically ejects his energies. The higher man responsibly conserves vital energy and changes it to love. The truly free and wise man ever restores himself and his partner. This supreme art is his duty, privilege and joy. The purest pleasure is far beyond any sensory feeling perceived through our emotions or intellect. When you cultivate your original spirit, your delicate sense of subtle energy flows as well as your physical sensations are a quantum leap beyond what most people accept as pleasure.
The quality of your feeling determines the quality of energy you generate and absorb. If your desires are selfishly erotic, the energy may temporarily heighten your animal vitality but will not rise and open the higher genius of your heart, mind, and spirit.
These principles apply universally, but the act of love is particularly momentous for a human being. It involves one's entire destiny. The energy of every act and thought is preserved: one who thinks egotistically will find nothing but egotism from others. An- other finds love everywhere because he unfailingly brings it within. When you raise your sexual seed-essence to a high level of spiritual intention, it becomes a light-essence, or light seed that illuminates your path through life and beyond. This is the Taoist enlightenment taught in the higher levels of meditation.
13. If the goal is to build up one's sexual energy, what's the harm of sleeping with a lot of different women (or men) to increase your ching chi?
Chia: The goal is not to build up one's sexual energy—it is to transform raw sexual energy into a refined subtle energy. Sex is only one means of doing that. Promiscuity can easily lower your energy if you choose partners with moral or physical weakness.
If you lie with degenerates, it may hurt you, in that you can temporarily acquire your partner's vileness. By exchanging subtle energy, you actually absorb the other's substance. You become the other person and assume new karmic burdens. This is why old couples resemble each other so closely: they have exchanged so much energy that they are made of the same life-stuff. This practice accelerates this union, but elevates it to a higher level of spiritual experience.
So the best advice I can give is to never compromise your integrity of body, mind and spirit. In choosing a lover you are choosing your destiny, so make sure you love the woman with whom you have sex. Then you will be in harmony with what flows from the exchange and your actions will be proper.
If you think you can love two women at once, be ready to spend double the chi to transform and balance their energy. I doubt if many men can really do that and feel deep serenity. For the sake of simplicity, limit yourself to one woman at a time. It takes a lot of time and energy to cultivate the subtle energies to a deep level.
It is impossible to define love precisely. You have to consult your inner voice. But cultivating your chi energy sensitizes you to your conscience. What was a distant whisper before may become a very loud voice. For your own sake, do not abandon your integrity for the sake of physical pleasure or the pretense that you are doing deep spiritual exercises. If you sleep with one whom you don't love, your subtle energies will not be in balance and psychic war- fare can begin. This will take its toll no matter how far apart you are physically until you sever or heal the psychic connection. It's better to be honest in the beginning.
For the same reason make love only when you feel true tenderness within yourself. Your power to love will thus grow stronger. Selfish or manipulative use of sex even with someone with whom you are in love can cause great disharmony. If you feel unable to use your sexual power lovingly, then do not use it at all! Sex is a gleaming, sharp, two-edged sword, a healing tool that can quickly become a weapon. If used for base purposes, it cuts you mercilessly. If you haven't found a partner with whom you can be truly gentle, then simply touch no one. Go back to building your internal energy and when it gets high you will either attract a quality lover or learn a deeper level within yourself.
14. Isn't the Big Draw a form of sexual vampirism, teaching men how to suck women's juices, etc?
Chia: This view is incorrect for several reasons. First of all there is necessarily an exchange of energy between partners, all lovers exchange energy; the Big Draw just dramatically adds to its magnitude. You cannot inhale the yin from your partner without surrendering to her an equal measure of yang. This is simply a law of etheric energy. Generosity is its own reward: the more you give, the more you will receive. If you selfishly refuse to surrender the yang to your partner, you can absorb little energy from her. Thus, attempts at selfish use of the Big Draw will lead to failure. Their only effect of trying would be to deeply imbalance oneself mentally and spiritually. Likewise, generous and compassionate use of the method guarantees the fullest flow of invigorating energy from your partner.
This "Fail-Safe" aspect of the method not only prevents se- rious abuse of one's partner, but the natural law of the Tao will ultimately mete out an equal punishment to one who tries to take advantage of his lover. Taoists agree with the Bible here: "As ye give, so shall ye receive."
Secondly, when you draw up power you inhale mainly the energy of your own sexual centers. During the act of love the hundreds of millions of sperm cells swim about frantically in their desire to get out of you and into the egg. Their motion creates a high electromagnetic charge in the semen. In this way your lover stimulates you to produce and concentrate your own energy, which you move to higher centers with the big Draw.
Finally, a major part of the energy you draw from the lover would leave her body at any event as a result of sexual stimulation. If you did not absorb it, the power would dissipate into the atmosphere. By suppressing your ejaculation and your partner's orgasm, both lovers lose much less energy than they would in conventional sex. By following the Big Draw Method both effectively absorb some of the energy the other releases instead of letting it blow away.
15. After practicing dual cultivation for a while, how do you feel when you ejaculate again?
Chia: When you begin to meditate and cultivate your sexual energy and engage in various Taoist exercises, you notice immediately what happens when you ejaculate. There's an immediate feedback in what happens to your energy level. You feel emptied, weakened, sometimes enough to temporarily depress you. The same feeling prior to doing Taoist practices you might have called "pleasant fatigue"; now the loss begins to feel painful on a psychic level, as you are accustomed to living at a higher standard of chi energy. In actual sex, in ejaculation the energy loss is very apparent and very obvious.
16. How are the eyes used in Sexual Kung Fu practice?
Chia: The eyes are very important. Later on, if you just use the eyes and a little breathing you can do the whole Big Draw. You should keep your eyes closed during sex to maximize your internal energy; if you are looking around, the mind will be distracted and chi will escape as the eyes are the most yang organ in the body. Learn to see inside your body and that of your lovers. The eyes reflect your intention psychologically so you can literally direct everything with your eyes. Correct practice of Taoist cultivation will help you develop powerful eyes. The opposite is true as well; improper sex can destroy the sparkle in your eyes. If you're observant, without knowing anything about oriental medicine, you can actually "see" people who have depleted themselves sexually. You see it in the face, the sallowness of the eyes and skin, and lackluster quality in the hair.
17. How will ill health, tension, stress and other adverse psy- chological states affect Taoist sex?
Chia: A good sex life is closely related to your physical health and mental condition. If you are tense it is difficult to use mind control and the big draw methods. Your ability to use these meth- ods in actual sex is more limited when you are tense, and it's not much fun having uptight sex anyway. Microcosmic meditation and Tai Chi Chi Kung will greatly help you to calm down. If you're not feeling well or if your general level of chi is low, your sex should be passive with your partner moving on top, giving you the healing energy. What happens in your sexual encounters is like a microcosm of daily life that is magnified tremendously.
Your psychological state is very important. Feeling loving, feeling relaxed, feeling calm and not having a lot of negative emo- tions is essential. If you're very angry or sad or fearful it's very difficult to engage joyfully in sex and to use this kind of practice. It may throw you or your partner off emotionally, as your aura is very open during sex and you absorb negativity easily. Better to sit down together and use the Fusion of Five Elements meditation to calm the mind. Even after years of having practiced the Big Draw, if you are not in a good psychological state you might have to exert considerable effort to hold your seed. On the other hand, when you feel calm and good psychologically you can carry the whole thing off with no effort.
18. What is the difference between mechanically blocking ejaculation through celibacy and the Taoist cultivation method?
Chia: You can mechanically block ejaculation using your mind only by refusing to have sex or masturbate. But this is using willpower against the body impulse; Taoists cultivate the bodily impulses, they put the chi energy to work elsewhere. If you are celibate and can naturally transform your sex energy and you can keep your body fully integrated with your mind, you should be shiny and radiant. But not many men are so naturally enlightened.
There's some negative evidence on health and celibacy based on data that has been collected about priests, using sheer willpower to mechanically prevent sex. This can create long term problems of the prostate, causing failure and inflammation of that organ and very often considerable pain and debility. One study did medical autopsies on over a thousand Catholic priests and found one third died of prostate complications or prostate cancer. The suggestion is that their celibacy was bad for their health. In their case apparently it was true, I've heard of celibate yogis who have similar problems with their prostate.
The problem arises, I believe, because they did not know how to cultivate their sex energy properly. Their energy channels aren't open between their lower and upper body and so their sex energy is blocked and congests the blood and hormones in the genitals and the prostate. To prevent prostate problems, a celibate should squeeze his perineum tightly and relax it several dozen times a day. This will exercise the prostate somewhat, although not as well as the Big Draw, which also circulates chi energy through it. If you try to cure a weak prostate by having more sex it can work, as orgasm exercises your prostate, but you risk losing a lot of sperm energy unless you know the Taoist method. Other men weaken their prostate from excess ejaculation and depletion of their sexual energy. For them celibacy is a cure.
Stopping ejaculation with an internal (big draw) practice may look similar to mechanically stopping sex through celibacy, but the difference is great. The Big Draw consciously transforms your energy up using internal skill, celibacy leaves it to chance or will- power. I've done this practice many years and never had any problems at all. Sometimes, when there's some congestion, just a little massage clears it up. That's why in terms of hygiene, you cannot separate this practice from the larger context of meditation and the energy work in the Taoist system not to speak of other considerations that have to do with ethical, psychological and spiritual aspects.
19. Could you summarize the advantage of the Taoist total body orgasm over a loving normal sex orgasm with ejaculation?
Chia: A total orgasm of the body and mind might be described as a showering of nectar from the head, running down your insides like a springtime shower. It is unmistakable. It is a wave of subtle chi energy that breaks up muscle armoring, releases nerve and lymphatic tension, and opens up hidden powers of feeling. You feel like a new born baby, only instead of experiencing your rebirth as a baby does—as unconscious bliss—you are very adult and conscious. The weight of the world is there, but suddenly it becomes lighter than a feather.
This feeling of lightness happens because the heavy fluid of your sperm-seed has successfully been transmuted into a light-seed which nourishes your higher consciousness. You feel happy deep inside because you know you have found the path home. You are not weighted by yourself or your lover. This is different from a genital orgasm, which is usually followed by either a heavy sleep as the body attempts to recover energy lost or by a still anxious mind that asks: "What next?" With genital orgasm the body is relaxed, but the mind and spirit are not; they are still hungry for nourishment of subtle energy because the polarity between lovers is not complete.
20. Could you explain in detail what happens when you reach the point of no return during an orgasm?
Chia: The curve of sexual arousal in both men and women but especially for men (because women have a greater capacity to maintain a plateau) is to have a gradual (or rapid) arousal, a short plateau and then a rapid and sudden fall off and that's it . . . The Big Bang Theory. Taoist cultivation teaches you to use the Steady State theory, which is continuous expansion and contraction of yin and yang during a series of "valley" orgasms. The Big Bang theory, currently in vogue as the cosmological theory of the Uni- verse, has as its roots the sexual desires of the western male scien- tist.
Now, the plateau can be likened to a "primal zone", that is an experience of primal time and space. Minutes may seem like hours; however you choose to define it. It is what psychologists call an altered state of consciousness. Women seem more capable than men of extending this plateau. Beyond that there is a critical point of no return and then the "fall off." The plateau can last anywhere from a few seconds to several minutes to a half hour or longer and is characterized by quieting, relaxation and a diminishing erection in the male. In practice, after this period of quiet the couple resumes mutual stimulation, building up the energy, building the chi through thrusting and various other means of arousal. And again a plateau may be reached and maintained a while.
It takes practice to keep from "stepping off the edge" but the rewards are great. It's like climbing a pyramid—the top of each step is safe and flat, but going up over the edge to the next step is a little dizzying. In this step procedure you build a potential to respond to your lover that's enormous and so the probability of losing control increases as you progress to higher steps. It's as though you were building more and more pressure, but it's a pleasurable pressure, because the energy of each plateau is greater than the last. In fact, the plateaus get longer as the energy builds. When sufficient energy has developed and you are at a plateau, the chi energy begins to run through the chi channels in the body and so what had begun as a genital response now becomes a bodily one. If the whole body energy of the male is balanced with that of the female, the energy penetrates the subtle bodies on mental and spir- itual levels as well, aligning your total polarity and opening your awareness of both knowledge and bliss. The nature of the Tao reveals itself to be both awesome and ordinary.
The "primal zone" on the plateau is a very precarious place and it is here that the skill of Taoist dual cultivation can really be said to be exercised. The sensitivity and ability to keep from going on to the "point of no return" is a function of your experience, your intention and your overall state of relaxation and health and your relationship to your partner. Now a woman can trigger a man's ejaculation quite easily thru her own orgasm or by stimulating him by contracting vaginal muscles. So this technique does not require a mutual orgasm and especially in the learning phase, the man must be permitted time to gain some stability at the plateau. It's interesting that many women feel that unless a man has an ejaculation he's not satisfied. This is where sexual politics comes in with all the attitudes and expectations which color responses tremendously. Both men and women have to gradually de-condition themselves of their old concepts. This will happen naturally as a couple cultivates their energy together.
21. Does homosexuality or group sex block spiritual development?
Chia: The Taoists are too wise to condemn anything outright, as everything leads back to the Tao. So the question really is how can it be against nature, or the Tao, if the Tao created it? Homosexuality is not against the Tao, but it is also not the highest experience of the Tao possible. It's impossible to experience the full balance of male-female polarity with homosexual love. The subtle energies are lacking and you can't create something if the raw materials are absent. The highest harmony of yin and yang cannot be achieved. It depends on how far on the spiritual path you wish to proceed. If you go deep enough into meditation you may cultivate your opposite polar energy within. But then your homosexual love life might disrupt that balance, so you would constantly be correcting it.
The problem is greater for two men than for two women, because their double yang energy is too expansive and more easily leads to conflict. A double yin energy can be harmonious, as yin is yielding, but neither woman will experience deepest fulfillment. Both cases can lead to subtle organ imbalances that require atten- tion if best health is to be maintained.
The situation for male homosexuals can be somewhat ameliorated if the men seek alternate sources of yin energy. They could eat more yin food, spend more time with female friends and work in the garden cultivating earth chi. You can also absorb energy directly from the earth by lying face down on the ground and meditating, drawing it into your penis and hands. This might help if it were done before or after sex. If you wish to practice semen retention and find yourself in rapidly changing male homosexual relationships, I advise you to become celibate for a period and attempt to gain stability through intensive single cultivation using the Big Draw and Meditation.
In group sex it is even more difficult to harmonize the subtle energies. I recommend you avoid it as it is rarely motivated by love. The only exception might be two women with one man, as the double yin can harmonize his yang if they are also in harmony. For most people this is unlikely to be stable, which is necessary for real cultivation to occur. If you feel attracted to several people the best thing you can do for them is to inspire them to cultivate themselves using Tai Chi, meditation, yoga, or the methods described in this book. Teach by example; you don't have to physically love every- one you feel attracted to. You will never go deep in yourself if you scatter your energy widely.
22. What causes the penis to go flaccid, if you began with a stiff erection but didn't ejaculate?
Chia: It may be that your mind has left the act of love, and is distracted elsewhere. The chi moves with the mind, it is guided by it. If your mind is concentrating on a higher exchange of energy with your lover and you've lost your erection, it may be a sign that physical love is no longer needed and you should relax and enjoy the communion. You should keep your flaccid penis within her or touching her if possible, as the chi can still flow through it. But please, for your own sanity, don't try to force a new erection.
23. If I master the Big Draw and am celibate, but still have wet dreams, what should I do?
Chia: If you really master the Big Draw this should not hap- pen at all, but this might happen to someone who retains the sex energy but hasn't transformed all of it up to a higher center. The sex energy remaining in the lower part might be causing trouble. The Taoist method of Microcosmic Orbit Meditation, Fusion of Five Elements, and Kan and Li contain the formulas for transform- ing the energy up. If that doesn't work and the wet dreams persist, listen to your body's message and find a lover.
24. Is it o.k. to make specific wishes or project a thought at the moment of orgasm?
Chia: I strongly recommend you avoid projecting your ego at the moment of orgasm or at any time during love-making. This is a magical practice that can have very unexpected effects, sometimes dangerous to your spiritual growth. Evil astral entities can attach themselves if you are not well balanced. Some men have sex with "phantom" lovers in their dream state that are real entities. You might also get what you asked for—and much more that you failed to specify and that you find extremely undesirable. You will also lose energy by sending it all outside. I know one woman who did this "magical child" projection for ten years. It made her pale and sickly. It is best to give the energy back to your lover, as that is where it came from. In this way you pay the universe immediately for its blessing. If you increase your lover's energy instead of some ego desire, she will be transformed to a higher level and be in a position to return even higher blessings to you or others in the universe. Spiritual progress comes from achieving balance of yin/ yang, from being both spontaneously present and neutral, not from fulfilling some mental projection. Taoists refine their chi in their body. We don't send out our dirty laundry and hope it comes back washed—we clean it ourselves. So keep your attention on balancing your chi where you are; that is your entire obligation to the universe.